It's October
Emergency rooms, with their overwhelming smell of cleanliness and vacancy of audible conversations, are precisely the place to have tiny epiphanies. Those little universal collisions of black holes, creating a ripple of consequences, become the forks of one’s life. Moments of awareness, some higher power slows time down to give you a chance to process your reality. I wanted to believe that I was alone that night in the emergency room because I was strong enough to manage on my own. Sitting in that lobby, my body woven in a fetal position, I realized I’d been holding on to this delusional faith that if you could have…. You would have. That morning, when I was told, you have until October to clearly see your baseline, I had hope. I hadn’t spent months in debilitating pain, yet. I had hope because I’d been through this before and I’d experienced a miracle. I grasped tight to the hope in every word every spoken to me because I had faith in something I wasn’t promised. I had h
